Working in a sunny garden brings a special kind of joy. In particular, I love growing roses. When the rose bushes start to produce their blossoms, at first it is small and dark green—it doesn’t look like much at all. Then it begins to grow, producing bright, shiny green leaves against the darker stem. Over the spring and into summer, a bud will appear, eventually unfolding itself into a beautiful flower that is heavenly scented. Store-bought roses for Valentine’s Day are lovely, but my home-grown roses are a glorious reward that I come home to see everyday out my window.
I take tremendous pride in watching my roses grow, and I know I play an important role in the process. Keeping them watered, but not too watered. Putting out fertilizer to make them strong. Weeding the rose bushes, so the weeds don’t steal the nutrients. Keeping an eye out for the dreaded aphids, who love to snack on rose leaves. Gardeners are always rewarded for their hard work when the roses bloom.
Artists with autism like Ally are much like flowers. Seedlings are planted in a flower bed, and with loving care, they begin to spring up. Flowers grow when you water them. Humans—artists, autistic or otherwise, really—grow when you show them love. As gratifying it is to see a lovely red rose that you grew, how much more so to see Ally grow with our love into the beautiful, compassionate young woman she is.
Of course, the glory of flowers isn’t in the growing—it’s in the blooming, the beautiful colors, the delicate petals, and the wonderful aroma. The way they chase sunbeams, as the sun traverses the sky. For Ally, her bloom is in her art. Artists with autism grace us with their work. In fact, autism artwork can act as a voice for autistic artists.
What I love about Ally’s paintings is how they reflect her sunny optimism. Like all of us, Ally has good moods and bad moods, but the constant is her relentless positivity. “Party hats on!,” Ally says, which is her signal that we should celebrate the day and its sunshine.
Just like a garden, the relationships we have with our families and others also need work. A garden would not amount to much without someone tending to it. It is the same with how we relate to others. Communication is like bright sunshine, helping to strengthen the connections we share.
Sometimes people’s feelings get hurt. It may have been something that we did deliberately, or it could be an accident. It doesn’t matter, really: the end result is the same. Someone is hurt and if it isn’t addressed, then it’s like aphids on a rose plant. One or two aphids aren’t too bad, but if left unchecked, it can grow into an infestation that can endanger the plant.
The only way to deal with hurt feelings is through communication. But it’s not enough to just talk. The hurt person has to feel that they have been heard with love and compassion. This isn’t always easy, especially if someone takes something the wrong way, or they got hurt accidentally.
We can get in our feelings and be defensive: of course we didn’t mean to hurt them, how could they think otherwise? I listen attentively, without judgment, and without attaching to their pain. Then I reply compassionately. We always want to let people know it’s perfectly fine to talk about their feelings. If we get angry and defensive about what they say, they may decide that they can’t talk to us about their feelings.
Once I got into the habit of talking with my children about their feelings and reacting with love and compassion, our relationships took root. With the equivalent of water, sunshine and fertilizer, our bond has bloomed!
At the House of Shine, we always celebrate special connections. With love and kindness, we have grown together. We support each other, like plants with their leaves intertwined together, blocking the wind. Every chance we get, we put on our party hats and celebrate the beautiful day. The days are not ordinary; there is always something we can find to celebrate about them.
My family and I spend time watering our connections. We apply fertilizer to the roots. We weed our garden, to make sure we get the benefit of the nutrients. And just like flowers, our relationships are strong and blossoming! Visit our shop to browse Ally’s art for yourself (and grab the Note Cards with Ally’s Bloom artwork here!)
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