One of the great joys in life is the ability to connect with others. The ability to share experience with someone else, and to feel the bond between us is so meaningful. It’s like our muscles. Our muscles work in pairs, and when one muscle pushes, the other pulls. They are connected together and work as a unit.
Humans are all social creatures first and foremost and need to have meaningful connections with one another. Having special links with our friends and family is really important. I share a deep connection with my family, and that helps me to thrive. There are a few names for this type of relationship: brother, daughter, best friend, running buddy, husband/wife. But the one I always think of is the title of one of Ally’s paintings — birds of a feather.
When best friends get together, it’s like no time has passed since they last met. They understand how the other thinks. They can communicate wordlessly, because they share a history. They can see something and look at each other and they know what the other one is thinking. Laughter and good times come easily with such a person. Of course, all this is only possible because of the connection these two people would share. Their bond. Because of it, there is joy in even the smallest, most mundane moments.
This is how it has been for me and Ally. We’ve had a bunch of quality shared experiences, and it’s the accumulation of these over time that has built a strong bond and a tight connection. The small things that only she and I did, reflected back to us in a lifetime of smiles.
Artists with autism have the ability to connect with others in a deep, meaningful way. Being on the spectrum is a limitation in some ways, but opens up such a wide variety of connections beyond the spectrum! And because the bond is built up of many small, mundane moments, it’s easy to work together on a project and create a meaningful connection at the same time.
Ally volunteers at the yoga studio once a week with Emily. They share a lot of quiet moments together; silently bonding while they make batches of essential oil towelettes. This is a routine activity – they hand these out to all participants – but Ally and Emily do not let that get in the way of a good time! The routine doesn’t have to be boring. They strive to find the unique and special in every moment. It’s a form of mindfulness, to always search for what makes a moment distinctive. At our house, we all appreciate the chances we have to strengthen our connections with Ally.
One of the things about Ally that always fills me with joy is her non-stop quest to point out the silver lining. Even for the smallest things, if it is something positive, she will exclaim, “Party hats on!” Did you think you would be stuck waiting for a table reservation at a restaurant for an hour but manage to get seated in 20 minutes? “Party hats on!” It never fails to make me laugh. After all, a win is a win, and if you are winning, then that is worth celebrating.
There are many ways you can grow the bond you have with your autistic family member. If they are painting, you can help them get the tools they’ll need. In the kitchen, they can help whisk the batter for a cake, or gather ingredients. The two of you can do yoga together and bond that way. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—it can be as simple as watching for shooting stars while sitting together on a blanket.
Any activity you do with an artist with autism will increase the bond you share. Use the mundane to your advantage. If you have a dog that has to be walked, turn that from a daily chore into a moment to find delight, and strengthen your connection with your family member. It is in the slow accumulation of those moments that the two of you will become birds of a feather, just like in Ally’s painting! Visit our shop to browse Ally’s art for yourself. You can grab the Best Buddies Toucan Art Print while you’re there!
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